My Schizophrenic Life

30 Sep

I’ve always considered myself a jack of all trades. In fact, during my years of self-employment I identified my company as Global Concierge. What does a concierge do? Pretty much anything you need (as long as it’s legal). And the “global” part? Due to my travel/tourism background, I can pretty much get it done anywhere in the world (no small feat if you know international travel – or New Orleans). This background seems to be helping me support myself while I struggle with this reinvention thing.

You see, currently I’m working five part-time jobs. I am a Writer, Sponsorship Getter, Corporate Meeting and Event Manager, Garden Employee and Operations Assistant for a Tour Company. Many of these jobs I do all in one day. Choose a hat and I’ll wear it (though, due to the curly hair, I will have hat hair for the rest of the day)!

Just today, I spent most of the day in training for my new, part-time, seasonal job at a local botanical garden. Okay, and writing this at the same time (they’re showing photo’s of VIPs right now – wait, where’s my picture?).

When that ended, I headed home to have a telephone conversation with a tour company owner whom I do some writing, tour design assistance and operations for. Following that, I sent some writing samples to the head of an upcoming travel writers’ conference coming to town which I would like to attend but can’t afford, even with my five jobs. I followed that up with an E-mail to a meeting planning client whose meeting I didn’t work this year because they can’t afford to hire me (not due to my exorbitant salary, I assure you). Finally, phone calls to potential staff to work at the airport for a client coming into town. Oh, and of course, sitting down and telling you all about it.

That’s one day. Tomorrow I will get up and do it all again. And yet, I’m making less than half the salary I used to make. I’m beginning to think that if I’m going to have five jobs, I should re-think what those jobs should be. So, here is a list of my top five dream jobs:

1) Publishers Clearinghouse Prize Patrol

Job Description – Travel the country stalking people, handing out supersized checks (strange that they still use checks. To keep up with the times, perhaps they should switch to extremely large debit cards) and carrying around balloons, lots of balloons.

Salary – No Idea.

Benefits – Hugs from winners, travel, getting to play Santa Claus on a regular basis.

2) Oprah? Ellen? Craig Ferguson? Jon Stewart (just added him)? I’m still here!

Job Description – Read the Oprah/Ellen post.

 Salary – more than I’m makin’ now.

Benefits – You get a new car, and you get a trip to Australia, and. . . Ok, I’d settle for dental.

3) International Tour Manager (yeah, I’ve done this before and left due to burn-out, and couldn’t get back in due to world events).

Job Description – Escorting travelers around the world, exposing them to different cultures, exploring ancient ruins and world famous museums. Eating wonderful meals. Pushing wheelchairs through the cobblestone streets of Italy. Serving water on broken airplanes as the flight attendants refused (and I must take care of my peeps). Trying to figure out how Iberia Airlines stays in business.

Salary – wish it were more but it is what it is. I still miss it.

Benefits – Travel, Frequent Flyer Miles, Addiction to Melatonin, International Romance.

4) Mother (always wanted to do this job but it never quite worked out)

Job Description – Nine month probationary period includes nauseousness, vomiting, weight gain, incontinence and sleeplessness (will continue for at least 5 years). Following probationary period, anticipated duties include feeding, burping, lots of diaper changing, cleaning bodily fluids, educating, chauffeuring setting a good example, being on call 24/7. Desired qualities include the patience of a saint, leading by example, enjoys working with children, strong stomach and an inordinate amount of love to give.

Salary – this is an unpaid position.

Benefits – creating a human being and raising them to be, as we’d say in my family, a mensch. Oh and love.

Note – similar to supreme court justice, this is a lifetime position.

5) Full Time Writer

Job Description – uh, writing.

Salary – aaahh, as Shakespeare would say, “there’s the rub.”

Benefits – creative release, entertaining others (hopefully), working in my PJ’s, informing the public, continuous learning and a sense of accomplishment when it’s finally finished.

So, I continue with my schizophrenic life until I one of these jobs, or something I have not even dreamed of becomes available. For now, I feel a sense of accomplishment as, it’s finally finished.



5 Responses to “My Schizophrenic Life”

  1. Tandy September 30, 2010 at 4:53 PM #

    Now that I’m no longer traveling 250+ days a year as a Travel Director, and living outside of the M-F routine that many Americans practice, I’m now craving structure in my reinvention phase as well. “Egads!”, right?

    I wear hat #1 on M/W/F, hat #2 on Tu/F, hat #3 on Tu/Thu, hat #4 on W, hat #5 as needed, and try to keep Sat/Sun for house cleaning, visiting friends and family and me-time.

    Today is hat #3, unless a customer, client, vendor or tenant calls for hat #1,2,4 or 5.

    … enough me-time during hat-wearing hours; back to reinventing MYself too.

    Thanks for sharing your stories, Carole.

    Best wishes for your Reinvention!!!

  2. IP camera December 1, 2010 at 6:44 AM #

    You certainly deserve a round of applause for your post and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material.


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