Archive | October, 2010

Job Hunting in Paradise

8 Oct

This week’s adventure involves more filming and begging for a job. I’m still waiting to hear from Oprah. Ellen? I’m sure she’ll be knockin’ on my door at any moment. In the meantime, the new target is Paradise Hunter!

 You see is having a contest. Not sure if it’s so much of a contest as a video job application. You see, they’re looking for someone to host. It’s advertised as 52 weeks paid vacation. Not quite sure that’s completely true but, I’ll take a job, a vacation, heck I’ll take a dinner. So this week, more filming.

The filming this time was not done by a professional camera woman, but by my friend Brenda. It was an interesting shoot to say the least. To start, I drove over to Brenda’s house in the worst storm Phoenix has seen in quite some time (an omen?). I was like the post-man – through rain, sleet (is that the same as hail?) and bad Phoenix drivers. I rehearsed my script on the way over (put that blue-tooth in my ear so other drivers thought I was talking on my phone) all the while wondering how our plan of outdoor filming with natural light was going to work.

I arrived at Brenda’s and ran through the downpour to the front door – my perfectly coiffed curly hair now a pile of frizz. Rang the doorbell and was greeted by three barking, rambunctious dogs and Brenda who is currently 14 months pregnant (really, how can skin stretch that much?). I squeezed the water out of my clothes and sat down with a nice glass on wine (part of my new pre-production ritual to loosen up). We waited, and waited and waited for the rain to stop (all the while a script running through my head).

Finally, a break in the rain. We raced outside to take advantage of the sliver of time before the sun set. As always I was prepared for one take – hah! Funny, nobody who knows me would think I might find it difficult to speak for one minute. Yet, there I was, searching on the ground for the words that had fallen out of my head. Take 3 – wait was that word? Multi-talented or mutilated (big difference). Take 12 – forgot the words, just keep going, keep going, ad-libbing, oh crap, now I’m just talkin’ nonsense. Take 18 – it’s going well, almost done, dog barking – really? Take 22 – good take but could it be better? Let’s try again. Take 25 – is that a dog vomiting next to me? Yup. Stand-by, dog is still at it. Take 27 – move to a different part of the yard as we’re losing the light. Take 32 – another decent one. It’s a wrap. I need more wine.

As was the case with the Oprah application, nothing is simple. The file is too large for Brenda to E-mail to me. She burns me a DVD and we eat our pizza. When I get home I pop in the DVD and nothin’. There are no files on the DVD. What? Can’t even think of doing the backyard filming again. Can’t ask Brenda to do it again. The way things went with the last shoot, she would most likely go into labor while filming (would it be bad for me to refuse to drive her to the hospital until we finished?). Luckily, Brenda saved the files on the camera and uploaded what she felt was the best take (really, that was the best one?).

I’ve finally viewed the video. The sound is terrible and my hair is frizzy. And where did my smile go? Really, I’m a girl whom various friends have

Aah, there's my smile!

 nicknamed “Sunshine” yet I’m lookin’ awfully serious. Could it be due to driving rain, hail, barking dogs, vomiting dogs or trying to finish before my friend’s water broke? Who knows, but perhaps they will see my potential. I completed the application. The three minutes it took to complete the application was much easier than the nearly three hours it took for the Oprah one.

So now, I wait. And hope people will vote. Unlike Oprah, you can only vote once per day. But you can spread the word. Tell your friends. I’ll send a bottle of wine for each vote received. Hhhmmm, scratch that. Way too expensive even if I win. This gig doesn’t pay what Oprah’s does. But I will drink a glass and toast you. So, let’s see how drunk you can get me. Don’t think of this as voting for me for host, think of it as a drinking game. Let’s get Carole drunk and employed all at the same time.

Vote at I’ll drink to that.

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